Let me introduce you to my mortal enemy, Gary!
There is one person on this earth that I hate more than…well, more than getting my anal glands expressed. Every day, Gary drives by my house with this smug attitude like he is better than me. He drives his stupid brown truck and drops off brown packages…BROWN PACKAGES! Who does he think he is? This is my job and he is stealing it. Gary’s not even creative enough to place his packages in special hiding spots. No, he just leaves them on the doorstep with this little, stale Milkbone. How patronizing is that? He thinks his packages are better because they’re bigger. Well, I have news for him; they’re not, because my owners are more surprised to see my packages than his. And, if he wants to continue to play this game, I’ll just have to make more brown packages for my owners and hide them in even more special places. I have a message to you, Gary; you better watch your back!
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