Leg-Humper of the Week

Leg-Humper of the Week…Celebrating Women in News and Politics

In launching my tribute to the women of the political world, I think it is only fitting that on Halloween we celebrate the “Wicked Witch of Congress”…yup, Rep. Nancy Pelosi, aka #SanFranNan #Skeletor #LeftCoastLiberal.  Truthfully, the last two years have been quite boring without her leading the House.  She is no longer making headlines for some snidely, retorting comment aimed at some “Tea Bagger” or outspoken conservative; or giving all of us degenerates out there a lesson on how Congress really works (Congressional procedural subversion = Obamacare).  No, the past two years have been surprisingly lackluster.  And, if you were wondering what the Queen of Mean has been up to...well, she has been quietly mounting her offensive to take back Congress and regain her divine right to once again be Speaker of the House.  Pelosi must know something that the voters don’t because she has feverishly launched a seemingly doubtful campaign to retake the House majority.  This could very well be her last stand, sending her back to Fog City with her tail between her legs.  I think Sacramento columnist Katy Grimes articulated it best, “She  is at the very least, obviously trying to run with the big dogs, but still pees like a puppy.”  OH SNAP! 

So, in honor of Halloween, I will leave you with the scariest 3 Fancy Nancy quotes:

“Every week we don’t pass a Stimulus package 500 million Americans lose their jobs.” – Funny considering the US population is 314 million.

“I believe in natural gas as a clean, cheap alternative to fossil fuels. It’s cheap, abundant and clean compared to fossil fuels.” – Isn’t natural gas a fossil fuel?

“We have to pass the (health care) bill so you can find out what is in it.” – This is why we love her!

First Time Voter

A moment for politics:

I am very excited to be involved in my first Presidential election.  I have followed the two candidates very closely, but I still can’t decide who I am going to vote for.  I like Mitt Romney’s ideas for lowering deductions in an effort to curtail the deficit, but I heard that he once strapped his dog to the roof of his car during a family trip.  Not cool, Mitt, not cool!  President Obama, on the other hand, has done a lot for the poor and less fortunate.  I keep seeing people on Fox News talk about getting a free “Obama Bone”.  I don’t even know what that is, but I really, really want one!  I tried to convince my owners to quit their jobs so we could get some of those free “Obama Bones,” but they told me that “we don’t take government handouts.”  I don’t understand why…a free bone is a free bone!

One topic that keeps emerging in this election season is a woman’s right to choose health issues related to her body.  Both, Republicans and Democrats, have used this as campaign fodder, while women’s lady parts have become political punching bags.  I just have to say that I emphatically support a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body.  However, I would just like to see this platform extended to other species as well.  Dogs are fully capable of making their own decisions regarding issues related to their bodies.  I would fully support a candidate that vowed to protect dogs’ health care rights, which I might add are not currently covered under Obamacare…harrumph!  As a young, male dog, I was not lucky enough to have this choice.  I lost my man parts at a young age and will never have an opportunity to lick them, rub them on the carpet, or have children.  I urge all you voters out there to speak up for dogs’ health care rights.  I should be able to decide if I want to remove my man parts, not some conservative Gen-Xers who don’t want to raise some illegitimate, bastard dogs.  My owners just don’t get it, more puppies equals more free “Obama Bones”!

Nevertheless, I am off to vote early, because I heard during last election that some group called the Black Cats…or Panthers…or something, were standing outside of polling stations intimidating voters.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some run-ins with some pretty nasty cats in the past and I would avoid them at all costs. 

My Nemisis

Let me introduce you to my mortal enemy, Gary!

There is one person on this earth that I hate more than…well, more than getting my anal glands expressed.  Every day, Gary drives by my house with this smug attitude like he is better than me.  He drives his stupid brown truck and drops off brown packages…BROWN PACKAGES!  Who does he think he is?  This is my job and he is stealing it.  Gary’s not even creative enough to place his packages in special hiding spots.  No, he just leaves them on the doorstep with this little, stale Milkbone.  How patronizing is that?  He thinks his packages are better because they’re bigger.  Well, I have news for him; they’re not, because my owners are more surprised to see my packages than his.  And, if he wants to continue to play this game, I’ll just have to make more brown packages for my owners and hide them in even more special places.  I have a message to you, Gary; you better watch your back!