First Time Voter

A moment for politics:

I am very excited to be involved in my first Presidential election.  I have followed the two candidates very closely, but I still can’t decide who I am going to vote for.  I like Mitt Romney’s ideas for lowering deductions in an effort to curtail the deficit, but I heard that he once strapped his dog to the roof of his car during a family trip.  Not cool, Mitt, not cool!  President Obama, on the other hand, has done a lot for the poor and less fortunate.  I keep seeing people on Fox News talk about getting a free “Obama Bone”.  I don’t even know what that is, but I really, really want one!  I tried to convince my owners to quit their jobs so we could get some of those free “Obama Bones,” but they told me that “we don’t take government handouts.”  I don’t understand why…a free bone is a free bone!

One topic that keeps emerging in this election season is a woman’s right to choose health issues related to her body.  Both, Republicans and Democrats, have used this as campaign fodder, while women’s lady parts have become political punching bags.  I just have to say that I emphatically support a woman’s right to choose what happens to her body.  However, I would just like to see this platform extended to other species as well.  Dogs are fully capable of making their own decisions regarding issues related to their bodies.  I would fully support a candidate that vowed to protect dogs’ health care rights, which I might add are not currently covered under Obamacare…harrumph!  As a young, male dog, I was not lucky enough to have this choice.  I lost my man parts at a young age and will never have an opportunity to lick them, rub them on the carpet, or have children.  I urge all you voters out there to speak up for dogs’ health care rights.  I should be able to decide if I want to remove my man parts, not some conservative Gen-Xers who don’t want to raise some illegitimate, bastard dogs.  My owners just don’t get it, more puppies equals more free “Obama Bones”!

Nevertheless, I am off to vote early, because I heard during last election that some group called the Black Cats…or Panthers…or something, were standing outside of polling stations intimidating voters.  I don’t know about you, but I’ve had some run-ins with some pretty nasty cats in the past and I would avoid them at all costs.